Nepaug Bible Church - http://www.nepaugchurch.org - Pastor's Sermon Notes - http://www.nepaugchurch.org/Sermons/zz19970608.htm

GOD'S RENEWAL FOR HOUSEHOLDS
"Part XIII: Renewing Household Marriages - Biblical Lovemaking"

Introduction: (To show the need . . . )

Though the topic may not often be divulged even to a counselor, it is true that many married couples have lovemaking trials:

(1) Sometimes, partners are troubled at not obtaining enough fulfillment in this area:

(a) One Christian girl from the teen group I belonged to in high school who had lived a very immoral pre-marital life found she could get "satisfaction" only by pretending she was being raped by her husband! She lived in an apartment complex, so neighbor s had to put up with a terrifying commotion whenever they "made love". That deeply bothered my brother who was at the time living in the same complex! What finally ended the problem was the wife's discovery that her husband was bi-sexual, and once that ha ppened, they got divorced!

(b) But at times, married couples I have known connected with churches have not made love for years!

(2) At other times -- and this is a national problem -- the husband desires more lovemaking than the wife:

(a) The Torrington Register-Citizen's "Dear Abby" column in the fall of 1991 was flooded with letters from women. They responded to Abby's printing a letter from "B in Dallas" who confessed she faked arousals to satisfy her husband. One lady wrote: "Hooray for 'B in Dallas' for admitting she's 'faking it.' I'm a 55-year-old w oman, married for 33 years, and I've had enough sex to last me a lifetime. But I'm starving for love! Signed, Bel Air Faker."

(b) A man later retorted to the column's many letters to write: "Dear Abby: All the world is a stage, and everybody fakes enjoyment of something at some time . . . Unselfish people are accustomed to accommodating others. Signed, A Male's Perspective."

(3) If things aren't just right, tragedy can strike. Frank and Kathy Lee Gifford, both advertising a seminar conducted by a Christian marriage counselor have been pummeled by the press as Frank was caught having an adulterous affair on videotape by the Gl obe.



Well, since the topic is so IMPORTANT to married couples in CHURCHES who really WANT to make a marriage meaningful, what does God say about fulfillment in lovemaking?!

(We turn to the sermon's "Need" section . . . )

Need: "With the very PERSONAL subject of finding lovemaking fulfillment really NEEDING to be addressed with good taste, is there real BIBLICAL insight from the Lord to address MY needs?!"
  1. God arranged marriage to make sex endearing and thus fulfilling:
    1. God created the first man and woman from one body and introduced them to one another while both were unclothed, Gen. 2:21-22, 25.
    2. Thus, a groom and bride were to be permanently united as one flesh, having fulfilled sexual union uniquely NOT shared by any other, Gen. 2:24-25. (Weddings, then, are to retain high moral requirements for couples to qualify to be wed to peserve marital bliss, Matt. 19:3-6! )
  2. However, SIN set up hurdles to fulfilled lovemaking for couples:
    1. When Adam and Eve sinned, they hid their nakedness from each other for fear of being abused by each other's sin nature, Gen. 3:6-7.
      1. As adults, Adam and Eve were aware of their respective spouse's sexual power over one's own body, cf. 1 Corinthians 7:4.
      2. However, when sin natures arose due to the Gen. 3:6 sin (cf. Rom. 5:12), Adam and Eve saw within each other the capacity sexually to abuse one another, and so hid their nakedness from each other!
    2. Also, when God judged Eve for her sin, her lovemaking capacity was further hindered by reproductive system hardships added in the Fall:
      1. As Eve was susceptible to the lure by the forbidden fruit, pain in her reproductive system would inhibit her being led about by such lures.
      2. As she had acted apart from Adam's lead, Eve would be given a "yearning" for him to keep her subject to him in order to preserve the marriage, Gen. 3:16 and Leupold, Genesis, vol. I, p.171-172.
    3. Thus, sin has diffused having fulfilled sex by violating God's bounds:
      1. Because of sin natures, men and women often misuse their native powers over each others' bodies, both immorally outside of legal marriage and also within it. This causes anger & distrust that yield abated arousals later on, especially in premarital cases, S/S 8:8-12.
      2. Also, women have added hurdles against gaining arousal due to gynecological problems caused by the Fall, Gen. 3:16; 1 Pet. 3:7b.
      3. Again, if a man abusively takes sexual advantage of the non-sexual "yearning" for him that God gave his wife, she can react with anger or frigidity, resulting in a loss of sexual fulfillment for both of them.
  3. Thus, Scripture offers God's solutions to lovemaking problems:
    1. (Notes on the mechanics of arousal [Song of Sol.] are available upon request as some need to correct harmful actions learned via the world.)
    2. However, Solomon there reveals a need for mutual respect, patience and self-control for overcoming hurdles in lovemaking indicated in section "II" above, cf. S/S 1:2b-3, 8-10; 1:5-2:5; 8:6-12. (See notes.)
    3. Still, only by means of the Holy Spirit's control can these qualities even occur in men or women in such a process, Gal. 5:16-17, 18-21, 22-23.
    4. Yet, one gains the indwelling Spirit only as he is saved from sin by believing on Christ as Savior from sin, Jn. 3:16; 2 Cor. 5:17; Rom. 8:9.
    5. Again, a believer sees that Spirit control him only as his sins are confessed (1 Jn. 1:9; Ps. 66:18) and he obeys Scripture, 1 Jn. 2:3-6.
    6. Consequently, one must be right with God to guarantee good results.
  4. However, there are cases when ONE spouse obeys God while the OTHER disobeys, making MUTUAL lovemaking fulfillment at times seem impossible. In such cases, God suggests the following:
    1. Married couples who are not fulfilled can (1) take their burdens to Christ to bear, Mtt. 11:28-30. This includes (a) committing the problem to Christ in prayer (v. 28), (b) then learning the Biblical step-by-step route to take to overcome hurdles (Mtt. 11:29 with "Lesson Application" below) to find God's (3) peace, Mtt. 11:29b-30.
    2. Wives wed to men who disobey God (1 Peter 3:1-5) are to use God's power to handle their lack of fulfillment, and live an exemplary life as a testimony before the husband. They must commit the effects of their unmet needs to the Lord as God's concern, 1 Peter 4:19 with 2:21-23.
    3. Husbands wed to wives who disobey God (1 Peter 3:1, 7) are to use God's power in handle their lack of fulfillment, and honor the wife in full view of her post-Fall limitations. Then, they commit the e ffects of their unmet needs unto the Lord as His concern, 1 Pet. 4:19; 2:21-23.
Lesson Application: To handle lovemaking hurdles in marriage, (1) believe on Christ as Savior & (2) fellowship with God by using "III,E". (3) Then, check Scripture for God's suggested mechanics for needed adjustments ("III,A"). (4) If spouses f ace fulfillment hurdles caused by either pre- or post-marital activity or abuses, (a) claim Mtt. 11:28-30 to bear the burdens and (b) rely on God's control of both parties in the union via Rev. 3:14c for "room" to be able to fulfill God's will in that union, Rom. 12:2. (c) If God gives no such "room", ((a)) understand our calling to be the high road of godly suffering, and ((b)) use 1 Pet. 4:19 to survive and Rom. 8:28-29 with Mtt. 5:10-12 for encouraging hope. ((c)) Wives in such cases can use 1 Pet. 3:1-5 and ((d)) husbands 1 Pet. 3:7.

Conclusion: (To illustrate the sermon's lesson . . . )

 (1) The September 1994 issue of Dr. James Dobson's Focus on the Family magazine ran an important story on recent studies in the field of medicine. Dr. David Larson, psychiatrist and medical researcher has examined data surrounding religion and goo d health during his 10 years at the National Isnstitutes of Health. His findings were reported in the 1992 report of the American Journal of Psychiatry that summarized 12 years of psychiatric literature.

Among his findings, which will be printed in a book with the help of co-author, Mary Ann Mayo, Larson report that "The most religious women were most satisfied with the frequency of intercourse and felt free to discuss sex openly with their husbands, and, most suprisingly, were more orgasmic than were the nonreligious."

Marianne K. Hering, the woman who wrote this article in the Focus on the Family magazine responded to this finding, saying, "Doesn't that last bit of information turn conventional wisdom on its head? After all, married churchgoers are painted by the media as prudes who think sex is dirty. Besides, when's t he last time Hollywood showed a married couple in bed? So listen up, husbands. Be advised that -- to turn a popular phrase coined by author Kevin Leman -- sex begins in CHURCH!"

(2) A Christian woman many years my senior who attended a church I did while I was in college once shared with me a meaningful testimony. She relayed how once she discovered her son who was in my generation reading a pornographic magazine! Upset, but ver y carefully, she asked him, "Son, why are you reading that?!" He answered honestly, "I want to find out about how to have good sex for when I marry!" She wisely grasped the opportunity, and proceeded to go into depth on how she and her husband made love, and asked her son to compare her description with what the magazine revealed! Her son, deeply moved, replied, "Mom, what you just described makes this magazine look sick, so I'm just going trash it!"



God who CREATED man and woman and INTRODUCED them to each other is naturally the BEST starting point for making the most of marital lovemaking! According to Scripture AND the evidence of research in the real world, start with HIM!