THRU THE BIBLE EXPOSITION

Proverbs: Topical Applications of Proverbs

III. The Proverbs Themselves, Proverbs 10:1-31:31

O. God’s Directives On Relating To Difficult People

Introduction: (To show the need . . .)

A significant challenge we face today is the trial of relating to difficult people:

(1) An obvious example of such a person would be the man described in the story, “Motorcycle club member accused of tossing explosives at former member’s home” by Bruno Matarazzo, Jr. (Republican-American, August 29, 2026, p. A1). The story began: “A Torrington . . . member of a motorcycle club associated with the Hells Angels was arrested . . . after he allegedly tossed two explosive devices at the home of a former gang member . . .”

(2) However, there are difficult people in the leadership of cultured realms: “Meta Platforms . . . (has) agreed to pay nearly $17 billion to settle multi-state federal lawsuits” for “enticing young people, addicting them and causing a national epidemic of mental illness . . . (T)he $265 million Connecticut is expected to receive from the settlement” according to “Gov. Ned Lamont . . . will be spend on ‘mental health and crisis intervention, after-school and summer school programming, and implementation of phone-free school zones.’ . . . (Nevertheless,) state government itself has thrown itself into the addiction business – first with casino gambling and internet gambling, from which it collects tens of millions of dollars each year through tribute from Connecticut’s two Indian tribal casinos, second through licensing retailers of marijuana products and taxing their sales. Gambling addiction has devastated thousands of lives in the state and has caused much embezzlement and theft. Frequent use of marijuana is addictive and often leads to addiction to more dangerous drugs.” (Chris Powell, “State scorns addiction business while operating two of its own,” op. cit., September 1, 2026, p. A6) In addition, marijuana itself is proving to be harmful: “(A)n article published last October by Psychology Today” told of the harmful effects of THC in marijuana, that it “impedes driving, as it acutely impairs coordination, visual function, and attention for several hours after consumption of THC moves from the bloodstream into the brain and other tissues . . .’” (“Legalized pot’s death toll,” op. cit., August 26, 2023, p. A6)

(3) We face the trial of relating to difficult people at the local level: many believers over the years have voiced concern about relating to difficult people in the workplace, to difficult relatives or even to some professing Christians who were difficult people. Believers who have face hardships in relating to fellow professing Christians have often thus wondered if the problem might be with themselves or if it is with the people they find to be difficult.

Need: So we ask, “What does God direct on relating to people we find to be difficult in relationships?”

I. God’s “wisdom,” His hokmah, or fixed eternal moral order for success and blessing, applies to many issues of human concern, including the issue of knowing how to relate to difficult people.

II. We thus view proverbs as translated from the Hebrew Biblical text (Kittel, Biblia Hebraica) in the Book of Proverbs that provide God’s directives on relating to difficult people (as follows):

A. Proverbs uses three Hebrew words that are rendered “fool” in English translations to describe difficult people:

1. The word kesil rendered “fool” is one with “a dull and closed mind” who is “thickheaded and stubborn” (Bible Knowledge Commentary, Old Testament, p. 908).

2. Another word is nabal, meaning “one who lacks spiritual perception” and “sensitivity” (Ibid., p. 908, 942).

3. A third word rendered “fool” in the English translations is ‘ewil, meaning one who is “arrogant and flippant . . . mentally dull . . . coarse and hard-headed in his ways” (Ibid., p. 908).

B. We thus view the proverbs that deal with relating to such people (as follows):

1. Difficult people produce many relationship problems for others to whom they relate:

a. It is an exercise in futility to converse with such difficult people: (i) Proverbs 23:9 states, “Do not speak to a kesil, for he will scorn the wisdom of your words.’ (ii) Proverbs 26:4-5 claims, “Do not answer a kesil according to his folly lest you resemble him moreover yourself. Answer a kesil according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.” (iii) Proverbs 26:7 adds, “Like a lame man’s legs that hang limp is a proverb in the mouth of a kesil.”

b. It is also futile to honor such difficult people: (i) Proverbs 26:1 asserts, “Like snow in late summer and like rain in the time of harvest, thus honor is not befitting a kesil. (ii) Proverbs 26:8 states, “Like tying a stone in a sling is giving honor to a kesil. [Honoring a kesil thus does more harm than good!]

c. It is futile to hire or assign such difficult people various responsibilities: Proverbs 26:6 claims, “Like cutting off one’s feet or drinking violence is the sending of a message by the hand of a kesil.

d. It is even futile to try to improve the behavior or the thinking of such difficult people: (i) Such people are not compatible with others: (+) Proverbs 27:3 states, “Stone is heavy and sand a burden, but provocation by an ‘ewil is heavier than both! (+) Proverbs 30:21-22 asserts, “Under three things the earth trembles . . . (one of them being) a nabal who is full of food . . .” (+) Proverbs 29:9 notes, “If a wise nobleman goes to court with an ‘ewil nobleman, the ‘ewil nobleman rages and scoffs, and there is no peace.” (ii) Thus, such people are hopelessly unteachable: Proverbs 27:22 states, “Though you grind an ‘ewil man in a mortar, grinding him like grain with a pestle, you will not remove his folly from him.”

e. The inevitable destiny of such difficult people is only trouble and punishment: Proverbs 26:3 claims, “A whip for the horse, a halter for the donkey, and a rod for the backs of kesilim (plural for kesil).”

f. The Book of Proverbs thus counsels one to avoid the fellowship of such difficult people: (i) Proverbs 17:12 advises, “Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a kesil in his folly.” (ii) Proverbs 14:7 adds, “Stay away from a kesil, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.”

III. However, in the current dispensation of the Church, God has used His discipling of the once-difficult man named Saul of Tarsus as an example of hope in discipling other difficult people today (cf. 1 Timothy 1:12-17). Thus, we follow the Lord’s Biblical guidance for our era in discipling even difficult people:

A. We should pray for the difficult people we know that they might be discipled for Christ, Romans 10:1-3.

B. Like Ananias, we must then heed God’s leading on if, when and how to disciple such people, cf. Acts 9:10-19.

Lesson: From the human perspective, difficult people are hopelessly hard to relate to and to change in their thinking and actions, so we should initially avoid their fellowship. However, since God can graciously disciple even difficult people, we should pray that they might be discipled and follow God’s lead in discipling them.

Application: (1) May we trust in Christ Who died as our Atoning Sacrifice for sin that we might receive God's gift of eternal life, John 3:16; 1 Corinthians 15:1-11. (2) May we keep our distance from difficult people while interceding in prayer for their discipleship until the Lord directs us to follow His lead in discipling them.

Conclusion: (To illustrate the message and/or provide additional guidance . . .)

Nabeel Qureshi, a man who was raised in a devout Muslim family, told of his coming to faith in Christ in his book, “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus” (Zondervan, 2014). The great emotional and mental cost of this decision that was greatly opposed by his parents was described by Nabeel on pages 286-287 of this book (as follows): “Regarding my family, after recovering from the initial shock, my parents made two things very clear about their stance toward me: they felt utterly betrayed, yet they loved me regardless . . . Ammi (Nabeel’s mother) cried every time I saw her for almost the next two years, often while painfully indicting me for destroying our family’s joy. During this time, I clung to Scriptures like Philippians 4:6-7, Luke 18:1-8, and Matthew 6:25-34 . . . Aside from five dear cousins and an uncle, no one from my family came to my wedding. The entire ordeal was agonizing for me, and just thinking about it elicits pain. In 2009, when I graduated from medical school, I decided to enter into full-time ministry instead of practicing medicine. When my parents heard of this decision, they cut off all communication with me. About a year later, we started speaking again, and it has been tumultuous ever since . . .

“In closing, I wish to appeal to those who are considering following Jesus, especially those who will sacrifice much by doing so. I will honestly say that my first year as a Christian was unimaginably difficult, without a doubt the most painful period of my life . . . But . . . it was the most powerful time of my life . . . The Holy Spirit was my comforter, His word was my sustenance, and I would not give up that time for anything . . . My life now, including my walk with God and my relationship with my wife, are truly blissful, far more wondrous than I could have ever imagined when I was a Muslim. All suffering is worth it to follow Jesus. He is that amazing. I pray that I will meet you someday, my dear friend, so we can rejoice and praise God together for our joys and our sufferings. In Him, Nabeel Qureshi.”

Nabeel’s story is a testimony of God’s ability and desire to help us deal with all kinds of difficult relationships, even if they involve painful relationships with formerly close family members. Nabeel likely never saw his parents come to Christ, for it was later reported that he passed away of cancer. Regardless, he came to testify of the power of Christ to reach him, a Muslim in a devout Muslim family that was very opposed to the Christian faith. The very difficult person can be discipled in God’s will and timing!

May we trust in Christ Who died as our Atoning Sacrifice for sin that we might receive God’s gift of eternal life. May we then initially keep a safe distance from difficult people while we pray that they be discipled. While praying, may we wait upon the Lord for His guidance as to what we are to do next.